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HOW TO MAKE AND KEEP FRIENDS AS A NEW MOM (UPDATED 2019)

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Admit it-you’re desperate for some genuine mom friends.

You love your kids but damn it, being with then 24/7 is driving you insane. You need what only real mom friends can give you.

WHY YOU NEED NEW MOM FRIENDS

Your old mates have vanished now that you are a stay at home mom. They’re still the career girls who are free to meet for drinks after work.

You’re hardly able to join them even if they bother to invite you. The thing is they’ve moved on and so have you.

They’re simply unable to relate to you as a mommy and what’s more, they don’t think you’re as fun as you once were.

So you’re left with this friend abyss at a point when you really need friends. You’re stressed out by this gap in your life. You yearn to have the friendship that Cristina and Meredith have in Grey’s Anatomy. You know the words off by heart now:

She’s my person. This is not about getting her approval. It’s about telling her… if I murdered someone, she’s the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She’s my person. 

Cristina Yang in Grey’s Anatomy

RELATED: HOW TO INSTANTLY RECHARGE YOUR LIFE

WHAT DO YOU WANT IN A MOM FRIEND

You want and need your own person but it’s so difficult to find real mom friends. The kind who totally gets you because her life is just like yours.The friend who:

 –   takes a look at you, pours you a glass of wine and takes your kids out 
 –   drops by with a casserole for dinner when your day ran away from you 
 –   knows the horrible monotony of  feeding, bathing, playing with the kids 
 –   cries with you at the unfairness of your husband’s whining 
 –   howls with laughter at your latest toilet training disaster

Yes, you’ve tried to make new friends. But it’s so hard. All the other moms are already in little cliques and look so well put together.

You hardly look like a candidate for the best friend award with spit up on your shirt and uncombed hair. You would give anything for a trip to the park to turn out like the YouTube video below:

 

So you’re now in a state of SAHM stress and depression.

Psychologist John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago writes:

We are built for social contact. There are serious life-threatening consequences when we don’t get enough. We can’t stay on track mentally. And we are compromised physically. Social skills are crucial for your health.

Here’s the thing – you can’t go on being so lonely. You have to make new mom friends. I know you’re out of touch. You’re so used to baby talk, you’ve forgotten the art of small talk.

This post is a step by step guide on the best ways to make new mom friends and how to keep them.

THE RIGHT MINDSET TO MAKE NEW MOM FRIENDS

The first thing to do is to project the right attitude to potential new friends.

You know what’s at stake for you. Make every effort to win people over
with your charming personality. Be prepared to make the first move.

When meeting other moms:
–   Be positive – try to offer an appropriate compliment
–   Smile
–   Be relaxed
–   Make small talk to get to know them better
–   Show interest with both verbal and non-verbal clues
–   Chat about your kids to find common ground
–   Give it time – friendships do not grow overnight

In a great blog post entitled,11 Easy Tips for Making Mommy Friends, Nicole of theprofessionalmomproject.com gives actionable, practical tips to help you feel more confident when meeting new people.

Put them into practice, impress them and leave them with the desire to want to get to know you better. Hopefully, it will lead to a real mom date with a soon to be a new friend.

HOW TO MAKE NEW MOM FRIENDS

 

mom friends

 

Go to places where moms with kids hang out to kick-start new friendships.

You have to make the effort to befriend the new moms you meet.

Being shy and wall flowerish will not reel in the BFF you want

1.  THE PARK

Take your little darlings to the park. While they go wild on the jungle gym and swings, you check out the other moms.

Engage them in conversation about the kids and how often they visit the park.

If the kids hit it off, you have the opening to suggest a playdate.

Try, without sounding desperate, to exchange contact details.

2.  A MOMMY AND ME YOGA OR EXERCISE CLASS

It’s a good idea to get some exercise. So join a class for moms and tots. Do work out with your kids but at the same time put yourself out there to get to know the other moms.

In each session, exchange a few words with others. Then, issue a playdate invite and perhaps it may all go the way you want. 

3.  THE PLAY AREA AT THE MALL

Just like the park, when the kids are playing with Legos or having their faces painted or whatever, you strike with your best pick up line. Start with a winning compliment and the conversation is sure to bloom.

4.  THE LIBRARY

All libraries have a reading nook for kids. This is an ideal place to meet other moms. Start by asking about the book they’re reading and then add info about the last book your little Johnny loved.

You may find that you go to the library regularly but on different days. Perhaps, the chance to meet on their next trip and so on.

It may sound contrived and tedious but you have to seize any opportunity
to make the mom friend you crave.

5.  SCHOOL

If your children are at school, you have a perfect opportunity to build your mom tribe.

Do not shy away from taking the lead. Volunteer, for instance, to be the class mom. This will give you the chance to get to know all the moms. 

Get involved in school activities. For example, if you are serving on a committee in charge of refreshments for a sports event, there will be meetings and discussions about who is bringing what and so on.

Nothing brings people together quicker than working for a common cause.

Use the drop off and pick up times to chat with other moms. Do not just nod and say hi. Encourage conversation by being friendly. Meeting daily is sure to lead to a mom date or two.

In no time at all, you can kiss goodbye to loneliness and say hello to your band of mom friends.

6.  MAKE MOM FRIENDS ONLINE

 

mother and child walking on the beach

 

Facebook groups are amazing to find mom friends. Just do a search, read the rules and find one that suits you and start bonding.

Perhaps you may want to join a local Facebook group so that you could meet at a later stage.

You may gel instantly as the usual limitations of face to face meetings are no longer there.

Make the effort to get to know the people in the group. Be yourself. Most moms are like you – exhausted and in need of something to break the routine of their days.

So arm yourself with some funny one-liners. Get them laughing and soon they will be seeking you out in the group. Just build on it from there.

7.  MEETUPS

Another easy way to meet mom friends is to join a local meet up. Everyone has the same agenda – to meet new people and make new friends. 

Start your own meetup
This may take some organization ( date, venue, time ) but maybe more rewarding. You will have to interact with all the other guests.

You’ll have to have an icebreaker and some conversation starters to get the social juices flowing.

It could result in the mom tribe you’ve been longing for.

8.  APPS TO MAKE MOM FRIENDS

This post tells you everything you need to know about apps you can use to make new friends. Sign up for any one of these apps and who knows you may find the mom friend you need and want in your life forever.

The apps are:

•   Mom Life
•   Peanut
•   Hello Mamas
•   Mom Co

So, there is an app for every type of mom – from the shy and introverted to the cocky and confident. Take the leap and try an app.

HOW TO KEEP YOUR MOM FRIENDS

So now you’ve got your BFFs. You know that it was not easy to grow your mom tribe.

What you need to do now is make your mom friendships rock solid:
–  be sincere, give and earn their trust
–  give support when needed
–  be a fun friend – arrange fun things to do
–  show loyalty
–  be generous and kind
–  show acceptance and tolerance
–  embrace differences and avoid judgment

moms with babies

 

YOUR TURN

This quotation sums up the value that mom friends bring to lonely stay at home moms.

 

Friendship quote

 

Let’s recap on the action steps to take to build your mom tribe:
1.  accept that you’re lonely and in need of mom friends
2.  decide on your expectations of your mom friends
3.  adopt a positive mindset
4.  go to places where moms take their kids
5.  engage and interact with a view to making friends
6.  be prepared to start your own meet up if necessary
7.  try local Facebook groups to find your tribe

So get out there in the real world …. Smile at people you don’t know, talk to strangers ….. make the effort.

The payoff will be new BFFs.

Do you have any stories to share about how to make mom friends? Share them in the comments below.

If you enjoyed this post, please help to share it on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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A former English teacher turned lifestyle blogger. Content creator for blogs and websites. Book lover, scrabble addict and crime show obsessor.

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Karla
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I’m a new mom. It’s been key for me to make new mommy friends. I know my husband understands me a lot but sometimes he can’t relate to what I’m actually experiencing. Thank you for your tips.
I actually wrote something about having mommy friends in my blog “things I wish I knew before having a baby”.
https://coffeestrollersandsand.com/i-wish-i-knew-before-having-a-baby/

Amanda
Guest

I’ve always had a difficult time making mom friends. It’s important to try and out yourself out there.

Julie M Smith
Guest

This is so important, especially as a mom to littles. I definitely got lucky when I befriended a neighbor mom the first few years of my parenting life. But then we moved three times in two years and I haven’t really made any close mom friends since. Most of the friends I am making in our new city are childless, but at least I’m making friends..

Tren
Guest
Tren

I have a difficult time meeting mom friends where my twins participate in after schools activities. I think because it’s such a small town and everyone has already established their circle because they all grew up together (I’m military). But also, I’m very stand offish until I get a feel for people. So initially, I may present unfriendly. I’m sure that doesn’t help either.

Tracy @ Cleland Clan
Guest
Tracy @ Cleland Clan

I think it’s much easier to find mom friends once the kids go to school. Get involved in the PTO, sign your child up for scouts, dance, or sports–while you’re waiting, strike up a conversation. My kids are all 23 and up, but the cub scout moms still get together.

Sarah
Guest

I absolutely love this and wish someone had told me all of it when I first became a mom. I was so lonely and had no idea how to go about finding friends. Thankfully, I came out of it, but I hope this helps others who are struggling with the same thing I was.

Live Learn Better
Guest

Cute video! So important to meet other moms and build friendship.

Nicole
Guest
Nicole

This is sweet. I don’t have kids yet so I don’t know the struggle, but my friends have kids and they do express the need to have other mom friends. Is there a mom friend app yet?

Katie
Guest

This is so true and SO IMPORTANT! I found my people when my oldest was about 10mo and even though we all live far away from each other they’re still the first people I check in with for both the good and the bad things!

Christina
Guest

Hi,
I love this post! 🙂 These are fantastic tips on how to meet new mom friends! 🙂 I think it is so important to any mom’s sanity to understand what other moms are going through. Your religious organization church, synagogue… might also be a good place to get to know other mom friends. Your video was so funny!!! (LOL)
Best,
Christina