Admit it-you’re achingly lonely for some genuine mom friends.
You love your kids but damn it, being with then 24/7 is driving you insane. You need what only real mom friends can give you.
Your old mates have vanished now that you are a stay at home mom. They’re still the career girls who are free to meet for drinks after work.
You’re hardly able to join them even if they bother to invite you. The thing is they’ve moved on and so have you.
They’re simply unable to relate to you as a mommy and what’s more, they don’t think you’re as fun as you once were.
So you’re left with this friend abyss at a point when you really need friends. You yearn to have the friendship that Cristina and Meredith have in Grey’s Anatomy. You know the words off by heart now:
She’s my person. This is not about getting her approval. It’s about telling her… if I murdered someone, she’s the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She’s my person.
Cristina Yang in Grey’s Anatomy
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WHAT DO YOU WANT IN A MOM FRIEND
You want and need your own person but it’s so difficult to find real mom friends. The kind who totally gets you because her life is just like yours.The friend who:
– takes a look at you, pours you a glass of wine and takes your kids out
– drops by with a casserole for dinner when your day ran away from you and you had no time to cook
– knows the horrible monotony of feeding, bathing, playing with the kids
– cries with you at the unfairness of your husband whining about a tough day at work
– howls with laughter at your latest toilet training disaster
Yes, you’ve tried to make new friends. But it’s so hard. All the other moms are already in little cliques and look so well put together.
You hardly look like a candidate for the best friend award with spit up on your shirt and uncombed hair. You would give anything for a trip to the park to turn out like the video below:
So you’re now in a state of SAHM depression.
Psychologist John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago writes:
We are built for social contact. There are serious life-threatening consequences when we don’t get enough. We can’t stay on track mentally. And we are compromised physically. Social skills are crucial for your health.
Here’s the thing – you can’t go on being so lonely. You have to make new mom friends. I know you’re out of touch. You’re so used to baby talk, you’ve forgotten the art of small talk.
Having friends who relate to what we’re going through who we can talk to and find comfort in is an important part of self-care for all moms but especially new moms.
Check out her list of 8 Tips to Making Life-Long Mom Friends. She says it is never too late to make new mom friends.
This post is a step by step guide on the best ways to make new mom friends and how to keep them.
BE OPEN TO MAKING NEW MOM FRIENDS
The first thing to do is to project the right attitude to potential new friends.
You know what’s at stake for you. Make every effort to win people over
with your charming personality. Be prepared to make the first move.
When meeting other moms:
– Be positive – try to offer an appropriate compliment
– Be relaxed
– Make small talk to get to know them better
– Show interest with both verbal and non-verbal clues
– Chat about your kids to find common ground
– Give it time – friendships do not grow overnight
Put them into practice, impress them and leave them with the desire to want to get to know you better. Hopefully, it will lead to a real mom date with a soon to be a new friend.
HOW TO MAKE NEW MOM FRIENDS
Go to places where moms with kids hang out to kick-start new friendships.
You have to make the effort to befriend the new moms you meet.
Being shy and wallflowerish will not reel in the BFF you want.
Take your little darlings to the park. While they go wild on the jungle gym and swings, you check out the other moms.
Engage them in conversation about the kids and how often they visit the park.
If the kids hit it off, you have the opening to suggest a playdate.
Try, without sounding desperate, to exchange contact details.
A MOMMY AND ME YOGA OR EXERCISE CLASS
It’s a good idea to get some exercise. So join a class for moms and tots. Do work out with your kids but at the same time put yourself out there to get to know the other moms.
In each session, exchange a few words with others. Then, issue a playdate invite and perhaps it may all go the way you want.
THE PLAY AREA AT THE MALL
Just like the park, when the kids are playing with Legos or having their faces painted or whatever, you strike with your best pick up line. Start with a winning compliment and the conversation is sure to bloom.
All libraries have a reading nook for kids. This is an ideal place to meet other moms. Start by asking about the book they’re reading and then add info about the last book your little Johnny loved.
You may find that you go to the library regularly but on different days. Perhaps, the chance to meet on their next trip and so on.
It may sound contrived and tedious but you have to seize any opportunity
to make the mom friend you crave.
If your children are at school, you have a perfect opportunity to build your mom tribe.
Do not shy away from taking the lead. Volunteer, for instance, to be the class mom. This will give you the chance to get to know all the moms.
Get involved in school activities. For example, if you are serving on a committee in charge of refreshments for a sports event, there will be meetings and discussions about who is bringing what and so on.
Nothing brings people together quicker than working for a common cause.
Use drop off and pick up times to chat with other moms. Do not just nod and say hi. Encourage conversation by being friendly. Meeting daily is sure to lead to a mom date or two.
In no time at all, you can kiss goodbye to loneliness and say hello to your band of mom friends.
MAKE MOM FRIENDS ONLINE
Facebook groups are amazing to find mom friends. Just do a search, read the rules and find one that suits you and start bonding.
Perhaps you may want to join a local Facebook group so that you could meet at a later stage.
You may gel instantly as the usual limitations of face to face meetings are no longer there.
Make the effort to get to know the people in the group. Be yourself. Most moms are like you – exhausted and in need of something to break the routine of their days.
So arm yourself with some funny one-liners. Get them laughing and soon they will be seeking you out in the group. Just build on it from there.
MEET – UPS
Another easy way to meet mom friends is to join a local meet up. Everyone has the same agenda – to meet new people and make new friends.
START YOUR OWN MEET-UP
This may take some organization ( date, venue, time ) but may be more rewarding. You will have to interact with all the other guests.
You’ll have to have an icebreaker and some conversation starters to get the social juices flowing.
It could result in the mom tribe you’ve been longing for.
HOW TO KEEP YOUR MOM FRIENDS
So now you’ve got you BFFs. You know that it was not easy to grow your mom tribe.
What you need to do now is make your mom friendships rock solid:
– be sincere, give and earn their trust
– give support when needed
– be a fun friend – arrange fun things to do
– show loyalty
– be generous and kind
– show acceptance and tolerance
– embrace differences and avoid judgment
This quotation sums up the value that mom friends bring to lonely stay at home moms.
- Let’s recap on the action steps to take to build your mom tribe:
1. accept that you’re lonely and in need of mom friends
2. decide on your expectations of your mom friends
3. adopt a positive mindset
4. go to places where moms take their kids
5. engage and interact with a view to making friends
6. be prepared to start your own meet up if necessary
7. try local Facebook groups to find your tribe
So get out there in the real world …. Smile at people you don’t know, talk to strangers ….. make the effort.
The payoff will be new BFFs.
Do you have any stories to share about how to make mom friends? Share them in the comments below.